Having a sister or a brother means having a best friend for life and also someone who you will fight with over the remote or the last french fry. But if one of your children has Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) while the other is neurotypical,  it adds another layer to the siblinghood dynamic. 

As much as you’d want to shower your child with ASD support, it’s equally important to help their neurotypical sibling understand and connect with them. Let’s explore why siblinghood matters, and what you can do to foster a strong and supportive bond between your children.

Why it matters

A strong bond benefits siblings for life. Your children with their diverse personalities, needs, and wants can act as the main source of learning and support for each other.

Neurotypical siblings can help their autistic siblings navigate social situations and develop communication skills. On the other hand, their autistic sibling can learn from them patience, empathy, and a unique way of seeing the world.

When the other sibling understands what it means to have ASD, they will see their sibling’s behaviors not as strange or unruly, but as a way of communicating and navigating the world. This understanding helps neurotypical children by:

• Minimizing jealousy and competition for attention
• Reducing anxiety and confusion 
• Preventing feelings of isolation or emotional distancing 
• Fostering empathy and building stronger sibling connection

Understanding your child

Having a sibling with ASD is not always easy for your neurotypical child — in fact, it can be extremely challenging when navigated alone. They might feel isolated, confused, and even resentful at times. These feelings are valid, and it’s important to acknowledge them.

Don’t let the focus on your child with ASD overshadow your other one. Remember, being present matters for both of them. Your other child needs your support and love just as much.

The first step to helping your neurotypical child understand ASD is acknowledging their struggles first. Make them feel seen and heard by acknowledging their feelings openly and without judgment. 

Understanding ASD

Now, how do you help your neurotypical child understand ASD, especially if they’re still young?

Young children are naturally curious and may have questions about their sibling’s behavior or needs. Let’s explore some ways to navigate these conversations:

• Use examples that are familiar and relatable

Don’t use jargon about autism that your child will most likely not understand. Instead, explain in terms they can relate to like using familiar experiences. 

“Sometimes loud noises feel like everyone is yelling right in your ear, and that can be overwhelming for your sister. Bright lights or strong smells can feel overwhelming too, kind of like how you hate the itchy tag on your shirt.”

• Highlight ASD in a positive light

Help your child see their sibling not as someone “different” but as someone with incredible strengths and unique perspective. 

For example, explain how their sibling with ASD might not understand sarcasm or jokes, but they’ll always be honest. So if they give a compliment or say “I love you,”  you can be sure it comes straight from the heart!

• Encourage open communication

Let your neurotypical child know it’s okay to feel frustrated or confused sometimes when interacting with their ASD sibling. Encourage them to share their feelings whenever they feel overwhelmed or frustrated. This open communication allows you to address their concerns and help them navigate the situation together.

When they open up, truly listen without judgment. Acknowledge their emotions and validate their experiences. You could ask questions like “Can you tell me more about what’s making you feel frustrated?” or “What could I do to make this situation easier for you?”

Fun activities to promote sibling bond

Encouraging your children to play and do activities together is a fantastic way to strengthen their sibling bond. Here are some ideas to spark a playful connection:

• Explore their interests – Does your child with ASD adore dinosaurs while your other child loves playing with Legos? Get a Lego dinosaur set for them to build together! Find a common interest or activity they would both love and encourage them to do it together.
• Play board games – Board games can be powerful tools for connection, especially those requiring teamwork. Look for games where they have to work together to achieve a common goal, like escaping a maze or defeating a villain. This builds communication and collaboration skills.
• Create a sensory scavenger hunt – Create a list of sensory experiences to find together, like something soft to touch, something with a pleasant smell, or something that makes a funny sound. This can be a fun way to explore their environment and appreciate the sensory world around them.

If you have any questions or need more strategies to help your child, please don’t hesitate to reach out!